I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
