I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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