I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
