God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize