I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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