last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
