I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
