So drunk its hurt
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
