I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
