I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
