i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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