i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
