just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
