Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
