are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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