we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
