I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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