I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it's like iHOP with fire
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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