their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
