Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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