i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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