Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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