Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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