Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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