come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
