piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
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