I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
