You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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