Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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