Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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