I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
