so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
