I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
