Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
