Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
