Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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