moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
vagina is talking i cant
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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