Your face is a jimmy john
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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