I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
