I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
