I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
