Screwed.edu
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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