dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
40s are totally the cure
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
