I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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