there was a trapeze. enough said
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
