The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
