i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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