You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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