There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
