What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
