Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
