it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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