I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
