apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
