I wannas sexs uuuuu
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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