We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
