what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
