So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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