I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
