We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
