when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize