hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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