remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
