she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
