He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
