I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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