it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
