Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
