I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I got her a Nickelback box set.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize