He is an equal opportunity slut.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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