Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
As shirtless as possible
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
