she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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