Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
