How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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