Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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