Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
