Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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