And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
