I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
