weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
