We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
