You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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