I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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