Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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